


Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure

by nirejseki, robininthelabyrinth (nirejseki)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Episode Related, Episode: s03e11 Here I Go Again, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Novelist, Parody, Purple Prose, Writer Mick Rory, absolute utter crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 15:36:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13767192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/robininthelabyrinth
Summary: Guess what, readers - you're in luck! Your favorite author, MR Kindle, has come out with another novel for his best-selling pulp fiction series featuring the intrepid hero Buck Manly, this time based on an alien world with a super sexy alien queen! Interested? I bet you are! Click inside for an exclusive sneak preview (with an accompanying blog post by our author!) of his newest book: "Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure".(in which Mick Rory writes novels in his spare time, and sometimes offers sneak previews on his blog)





	Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, due to work, I haven't seen the episode yet; I've only seen gifsets. Is that going to stop me? No, it is not, especially when I had a two hour train ride to kill some time with.
> 
> In other news, I'm sorry.

Hi, everyone - 

I'd like to start off by saying that I know it's been a long time since I last posted. Since what happened with my partner LS - also my husband, editor, asshole cat proxy stand in, and general pain-in-my-ass peanut gallery, as you all well know - I haven't really been in the mood to write anything. I know you've all been real patient with me, though, and I'm glad to report that I'm back (at last!) with another new book for C. Ting. Press, featuring your favorite sci-fi Conan the Barbarian/John Carter of Mars/Douglas Adams-gone-wrong pastiche parody hero, Buck Manly.

(As another note, I _still_ can't believe that this is my most popular series. You guys just can't get enough of it, can't you? I've written better stuff! You've BOUGHT better stuff from me! But nooooo, all you guys want is more Buck Manly James-Bond-ing it up through space. Whatever. You want it, you're gonna get it with both barrels.)

Anyway, given my absence and sporadic posting schedule, I figured I'd rehash the basic FAQs of my blog for any new readers. Long-timers, feel free to skip - there's a preview from the new book (titled "Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure") at the bottom of this post!

\--

1: No, my name isn't _really_ M.R. Kindle. It's obviously a pseudonym. I am comfortable going by MR, though. That’s all you’re getting, so stop fucking asking already.

2: Yes, that really is a picture of me shirtless on the back cover of all my books. I'm about 90% sure that including that picture with my manuscript is what got my first book published and I'm going to keep doing it for as long as I still look good in a shirtless selfie. Feel free to let me know when you think I've passed that point. Also, yes, to confirm, each book has a new pic. In my view, it'd be downright deceitful if I kept recycling the old ones. 

Also, I look damn good shirtless. So why not? 

3: Yes, the particular shirtless pic for this book (to see it, click these two links [(one)](https://78.media.tumblr.com/998fcbca69c2cf6266ff824950fa61a0/tumblr_messaging_p4kklhMTkA1qje0fs_1280.png) [(two)](https://78.media.tumblr.com/555ba58d47da4d5de4705ff17f1f6da5/tumblr_messaging_p4kklnql1n1qje0fs_1280.png) to my publishers’ website since she knows what you assholes like) is set on a space station that may or may not look like it's circa the year 2662, if you're familiar with that era. Just go with it, guys; I'm not explaining.

4: My lawyers tell me that I've got to neither confirm nor deny any resemblance any of those pictures might or might not have to a famous (infamous?) Central City supervillain, even though said supervillain totally has a pardon from both the president and the governor now, so I don't see why they're still whining. That being said, if any of you are curious about that, my last Buck Manly book, "Super Is As Super Does", the one where he lands on the superhero planet, does in fact have a back page photo featuring what is neither confirmed nor denied to be a shirtless pic of both me and the Flash (for any would-be supervillains out there, he has his mask on and no identifiable birthmarks, so don't bother). You make your own deductions from that; I ain't responsible for them.

5: For my extraterrestrial readers, particularly any Dominators: yes, I'm still mad about you guys invading the earth. My publisher lives there. Buzz off, or no more books. And yes, that means you asshole green-yellow-and-red pigs, too - I don't care if some of your members were originally natives! (Except you, Dexstar. You're the best. Always remember that.)

6: Please remember to check the publication date of this book and make sure if is _before_ the time period of your purchase/reading. If you see a publication date that appears to be set in the future, please dial the number provided on the "about the author" page. If you don't know what "to dial" means because you don't have access to telephone technology, A, what are you doing reading my blog? and B, just sit tight, you'll be picked up and put back into your correct time period shortly. We're trying to get to all of you as quick as we can. 

7: Yes, I really am a diagnosed pyromaniac in the same way my main character, Buck Manly, is. This does NOT mean that he and I are in any way alike or that he is based on me. It means that I think that pyromania is a commonly misunderstood and demonized anxiety disorder with virtually no positive representation in any form of media. They're always the villains, almost never the fan-favorites, and even on the rare occasions when they pull a heel-turn and join the hero squad, their pyromania always gets written over, ignored, dismissed as a joke, or (worst of all) "cured" by some stupid deus ex machina that makes zero sense because, like, confronting your emotionally neglectful father figure might be a good therapeutic step forward but it still doesn't do shit all about crappy brain chemistry and the maladaptive thought patterns built up over the course of a lifetime, okay? Like, seriously. The fact that anyone actually thinks that is a real thing and not in-the-moment spot of hyperbole is just stunning to me. 

Either way: I'm probably best qualified to write actual, well-realized characters suffering from pyromania where it isn't their only identifiable trait, so I'm going to do it. _That still doesn't make Buck Manly a self insert._ Trust me, if I had a string of girlfriend, boyfriend, and/or non-binary partner "true loves" to love and leave the way he does, my real life partner would have killed me. He's also a lot nicer and dumber than I am or even pretend to be. Plus, I like exercise, but there’s a certain level of gleaming bicep that goes beyond the reaches of reality, okay? To reiterate: this. Is. _Fiction_. There is no autobiographical input in here whatsoever, beyond the usual “see if you can spot the author’s kinks by reading his backlog” stuff that usually happens whether you want it to or not. 

(Any questions regarding the inspiration of a certain side character by my own LS are going to get that "neither confirm nor deny" answer, so don't bother trying.)

On a more serious note, all proceeds from the sale of the Buck Manly books continue to be donated to a number of charities specializing in diagnosing and effectively treating pyromania in low-income neighborhoods, helping people suffering from it get the care they need. If you feel the need to do more, there's a link to their website at the top corner of the page. They're always looking for donations or volunteers. 

8: Yes, it’s true, I’ve met Jessica Fletcher, yes, I’m a giant Jessica Fletcher fan, and yes, she is just as awesome as you might expect her to be. Just absolute class. We met at a book convention (she was doing the mystery track, I was over in sci-fi, but they seated us together anyway) and I’ve basically adopted her as my aunt now and I’m okay with that. If you say anything negative about her in the comments, expect to see me punching you in the face five minutes later. Yes, five minutes. No, I’m not exaggerating. I have a time ship. _I can do this_. Fear me. 

9: My lawyers tell me that I’m not supposed to threaten people in my FAQ, to which I ask: have you ever seen me interact on the internet? Like, ever? 95% of my twitter feed is me picking fights with assholes. (I’m also not supposed to talk about the time ship stuff, but yeah, screw that.)

10: I'm taken. Yes, even after what happened, _I'm taken_. Don't even think of trying anything.

\--

I think I've covered everything relevant, yeah? I'm sure some smartass in the comment section is going to mention it if I don't, and I'll update the post if someone says something smart enough to warrant it.

So let's get to the part I know you're all here for: the sneak preview of "Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure", the newest novel in my I-still-can't-believe-it's-bestselling series The Manly Chronicles. 

(Yes, this one _finally_ gives you the hot alien queen you've all been asking for. _Yes_ , I know I said I'd only write Buck with a hot alien queen when hell freezes over, but my husband said that he'd crawl out of his grave to read it and honestly, given what these last few months have been like? I'm willing to give it a shot.)

Here you go - and in case it wasn't clear, _spoiler alert_ :

* * *

As the twins suns of Dartayus set on the horizon, her heaving bosom undulated like the soothing waves of the bay. Buck swept her into his musky embrace.

"Is 'musky' really the word you want to be going for here?" the cat asked, licking his paws as it watches the suns go down, its eyes narrow. It’s the size of a small horse today, with dark blue fur cut through with slashes of white and a frankly absurdly fluffy white ruff; the cat’s ability to change size, shape, and color was one of the few things that reminded Buck of the fact that it was an alien cat. At least it only had the usual four legs/one tail combo today. "Reminds me of an ox."

Although only Buck was able to hear the telepathic words of his soul-bonded animal companion, the accidental prize he won in a contest of sheer overpowering masculinity back on a planet called Thyla, it sometimes made for an irritating distraction at the most inopportune times. 

Times that _should_ have included Buck's full focus on a set of very attractive heaving breasts. 

Very heaving, actually.

"Are you all right?" Buck asks. Unlike many of the ancient men of the great traditions of old on his home planet, so far away and now lost forever, Buck prides himself on being considerate to his lovers. He's a modern hero, after all. "Are you having trouble breathing?"

"It's this bosom," the queen says apologetically. "It's such a burden, what with my asthma. Not to mention the back problems."

Buck considers this problem. Although he greatly enjoyed a heaving bosom or two in his time, there were clearly greater considerations at stake here. 

Though, having seen the size of the bosom in question, Buck has difficulty imagining "greater". 

"Have you considered, uh, reducing...?"

"Oh, no!" the queen assures him. "The position of Queen is conditional on the bosoms."

Buck blinks. "What an interesting method of choosing a government," he says.

"Me- _yow_ ," the cat adds aloud, sounding vaguely pained and not entirely unlike he was stretching up in an attempt to erase the empathetic back pain he was experiencing. 

"No, no," the queen says. "You get the position the usual way - massacre of one's enemies, promises to one's friends, betrayals, seductions, you know the drill - and then you get the bosom enhancement. It's part of the traditional queenly regalia."

Buck stares at her. 

She drops her eyes for a moment, looking up at him through her eyelashes. "You know," she murmurs. "You're the first man who ever asked about them. Other than in the usual context, I mean."

"Buck Manly strives to satisfy in all respects," Buck says.

"Buck Manly has slipped into the third person again," the cat says archly. "Buck Manly should probably stop that before his 'musky' embrace overwhelms her again."

Buck ignores the cat. Although...it had been some time since he had done laundry. Certainly not since he'd fought the great Desert Dragon of Io, and that was at least three planets back. 

"Perhaps we should get back to more interesting things," she says, winding her arms around him. 

"Do you find my scent reminiscent of an ox?" he asks her. "Please be honest."

She hesitates. "I like oxen?" she suggests. 

Buck sighs.

"I find them very virile," the queen adds, looking anxiously at him. 

"You mean bulls," the cat cackles. "I'm pretty sure the ox is the other one. Have you put it together yet, Buck?"

Sadly, Buck had. 

He pulls away from the voluptuous space queen. 

"No, don't go!" she exclaims.

"I'm sorry," he says nobly. He did hate to leave a woman unsatisfied - or a man, non-binary individual, non-person and occasional sentient houseplant, whatever was available, as Buck Manly was not a hero of great discernment as long as they were attractive, interested, and consenting - but he knew that his duty was greater than giving in to a mere moment of pleasure, no matter how intense, overwhelming, or well endowed that pleasure promised to be. 

After all, Buck Manly had a great destiny.

He knew this because he had been told so, once, a long time ago on his home planet, since destroyed in a terrible cataclysm, at a small-town carnival fortune-telling booth by a very bored-looking teenager dressed up in borrowed clothing after having glanced into an overturned fishbowl. 

"But why?" the queen asks, wiping away a tear of distress at not being able to get up close and personal with Buck anymore. 

"Because I have detected your trap," he says. "Don't think I missed hearing about 'seduction' and 'betrayal' in your list of methods of obtaining power."

"Oh!" the busty space queen exclaims. "No one has figured that out before - they were always too distracted by the -"

She gestures towards her very expansive and, now that Buck looks with a more objective eye, rather disproportionate chest.

"Understandable," Buck says, not wanting to admit how close he, too, had come to that mistake, if it hadn't been for the cat's interference. "But I am also in possession of a reasonably functioning nose, and a familiarity with oxen."

No one was attracted to oxen, except perhaps that story about Minos and his wife. 

"I will have to call the guards now to take you to be sacrificed to the Magrat Monsters that live in our catacombs," the queen says. She sounds regretful. "Are you sure I can't convince you..? It'll be a more enjoyable way for you to spend your last moments. And you do have such lovely, glistening biceps."

"As much as imminent danger arouses me," Buck says, though he agreed regarding his biceps, "I have to say no. Rain check in the event I survive?"

"Sounds good to me," she says. "You really are a hero like none other, Buck Manly."

"Yes," he says. "I am."

"I bet you are," the cat says snidely. "And me that rescued you, me, I'm just chopped snozgrass."

"Before I go," he says, and puts his hand on her hand, causing her to sigh in an extensive ripple that goes on for quite some time, what with all the territory it had to cover. "There is one thing I would ask you."

"Anything," she says, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Despite your generous welcome," Buck says, leaning close (but not too close, on account of the smell issue), "I do not yet know your name."

"Oh!" she says. "You know, you're the first one to ask?"

"Is she flattering you again?" the cat asks.

Buck considers her majestic regalia, which consisted of very little fabric. He was pretty sure she wasn't. Most people weren't really interested in names.

"I'm really quite flattered," the busty space queen says. "Most people are distracted by - everything."

Buck can understand that. There's rather a lot of everything. 

The cat mimes putting itself into a bag and throwing itself off the windowsill into the river to drown, which seems to Buck to be a rather excessive way of describing his feelings about the situation.

“If by chance you do survive, a feat which no one ever has accomplished, and manage to defeat the terrible Magrat Monsters that so plague my people,” the queen continues, reaching out to stroke Buck’s biceps thoughtfully, “know that you would be welcome to make your home here. I know that you have suffered terribly from the loss of your planet, but know this: you may yet have hope of finding a true home among friends.”

“Notably, the offer applies only _after_ you slay their giant monsters,” the cat points out.

Buck waves a dismissive hand in his direction. He has so longed for a home, a true home –

“Like the last fifteen planets that made you the same offer?”

The cat is not being helpful. It is always possible that this planet would, at last, sate Buck’s terrible wanderlust, the feeling of never fitting in, never belonging anywhere, the feeling of being a misfit among misfits. Yes, this place, this strange place with its strange but extremely attractive queen, this place could be the one – the place where he would at last fit in, able to find a family once more –

“Do you know,” the cat says thoughtfully, “I don’t think she ever answered your question about her name.”

…damnit.

* * *

That’s all I have for you today, readers! For the rest, you’re going to have to buy the book when it comes out. Remember: “Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure” by MR Kindle, coming out in just two months, available in e-book and paperback at a bookstore near you.

As to the husband-crawling-out-of-his-grave situation, well, I’ll keep you all posted, I guess. 

~MR

ETA: Just to clarify, alternate universe versions, hallucinations, brainwashed past versions, or mirror versions are not accepted. Ghosts are a maybe. 

ETA2: Okay, but seriously, the universe needs to stop fucking with me. How many times are you going to make me suffer through someone with my partner’s face coming around? This time we found him literally _floating in a magic cube_ , this is _ridiculous_. What’s going to be wrong with THIS version of him this time? Would someone like to put together a bingo board? (Feel free to follow along for more up-to-date updates on my Twitter…)

ETA3: The magic cube apparently blocks out time? Because it’s a free-floating chunk of whatever the hell it was that made the Vanishing Point be “outside of time”? What the fuck?

ETA4: Holy _crap_.

ETA5: Hello, readers. I’m here to provide you with a slightly more fulsome update now that MR’s asleep. I know you’ve probably all been following along on his Twitter account (excuse all the expletives, he’s had a trying day), but since he changed his password to that but not to this, I guess I’m going to be posting this here. To wit: yes, it’s me, MR’s real life asshole cat partner/husband, LS. Yes, it’s REALLY me this time, I’m back, I’m the real deal, etc. etc. ET FUCKING CETERA. Trust me, they’ve done enough tests that even _I’m_ satisfied, and I didn’t even have any doubts in the first place. I’ve never been so thoroughly verified in my life. 

As for what happened: I’m not going to give you any actual details about what happened. You don’t need to know that, and at any rate, MR has first dibs on it since he’s the one that got fucked over by it. What I _am_ going to give you is this: I don’t know whether I’m more angry about the fact that he _finally_ wrote the goddamn Buck Manly Bags the Ridiculously Busty Alien Queen story that I’ve been after him to write for _ten years_ , the fact that he only did it because he wanted to tempt the universe into finally allowing me to come back out of sheer irony, or the fact that it _actually. Fucking. WORKED_. 

Also, I’ve read the whole manuscript now, and you’re all going to love it. He’s outdone himself.

**Author's Note:**

> There is no link to a shirtless Mick picture. That is fake. Unless someone sends me a picture they think is worth including as the relevant shirtless Mick picture, in which case, sure, why not?
> 
> ETA: never mind! with thanks to recklessfirebug and kickingshoes (and indirectly Dominic Purcell's social media account), there are now shirtless selfies!
> 
> Also, for those of you wondering, yes. The name "underneath twin suns" is a pun about the alien queen's excessive endowments. I'm sorry.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Underneath Twin Suns: A Buck Manly Space Adventure [podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13963149) by [KD reads (KDHeart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KDHeart/pseuds/KD%20reads)




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